Wookies & Cookies

my scrumtrulescent post

2005-02-23T11:59:00.000-08:00

stories stories stories!! and i've missed you my little community of flamers!

okay this is gonna be a compilation of all the fun shit that has happened in the last two months of no bloggings.

the fox jumped over a worm. the worm was a branch. the fox tripped. Wes is such a fox. i need to make 500 dollars in five days. fuck i'm so distracted...okay instead of trying to type out a bunch of crap that i can not possibly remember i'll just compare nick to a can of sprite.

NICK - big, loving, cuddly, and, "obey your thirst" is not his slogan.
CAN OF SPRITE - could not possibly be compared to nick

in summation - i think very highly of nick for he is not a can of sprite nor is he what i think about when thirsting for a sweet little cylinder of exotic juices.

okay there must be something blogworthy on my mind...how abouuut oh oh the behavior of justin and kevin. ahem...they're both stupid. there it is! but seriously you guys have known each other forever and if you were to hang out you would certainly laugh at all the silliness. sure kevin doesn't approve of drinking and related it to bad stories just asking for sarcastic responses and sure dudley is a sarcastic responding, alcohol drinking...wait this isn't coming out right. =P anywho just remember one thing about friendships through this example: jeffy is half taiwanese and i still enjoy his company - when he speaks in english.

bubba called a moment ago and we spoke pretty much about nothing over speakerphone...but damn was it a fun 30 minutes.

the beginning of my not so smart " spending my rent money on not rent" campaign. My brother's wife came to Austin like a week ago? no it was more like 5 days ago. oh. i ended up at the hotel where she and her college mateys were staying. anways there went around 70 bucks with food and beer. but it was all worth it to make out with a volleyball gal including a five min butt massage. and yes i used as many butt massage maneuvers as i could to horny that girl up - # 1...the philadelphia crack - what you want to do is place both hands very firmly upon the upper cheek on either side. make sure to push the cheek inward creating a very closed crack. now with your eight fingers positions along the thigh and your thumbs on the inner butt cheek, begin massaging at a hastened pace only to descend into about blender speed 3. this will slowly open the butt and her swollen vagina will be drooping down for easier access to doggy style. the image presented will be that of the liberty bell and you may then ring that vagina home.
considering i cant get any more creative than that, we'll just cut the maneuver list short. anywho the night was a blast and everyone from vernon college ended up in our room. then justin and jami came down for a visit...to prepare i found it smart to purchase 150.00 in groceries which was all good...we were down to like our last bag of rice. dammit id like to go into detail but i must go to work.

it was nice to blog again and hopefully in the future you will all jump on a trampoline with me and not off of a balcony which still pains my right heal.

id like to give a quick shout out to xian! its been awhile but i haven't forgotten your scent yet. oh oh and kellen louiii and jeff too! and wes thug and dan! and philadelphia!

2004-12-09T20:59:00.000-08:00

holly's goods and how i saved the world
frank and beans!

pre work rantage

2004-11-21T08:35:00.000-08:00

oh my shittlydinks it has been a fun weekend with plenty more to come fo sho. i went to the union with me buddies and saw some pimped out eps of aqua teen...thank god before they began i got on stage and danced like a fucking moron. not even a cute little silly dance but some really lame break dancing moves that would have only looked good had vanilla ice used them. oh and wtf! i turned up in a church last night to show my support for good ol kellen arby as he filled in on the holiest of positions in a christian ska band: the trombone. he was so adorable on stage...what wasn't adorable goes a little something like this - nick macey and myself going through the church song book and making fun of the music...strike1. using proper church language such as "fuck" and "goddamn"...strike2. and the sound guys out in the middle of the church praying and running their hands through their hair simultaneously...i shit you not. i told nick either they were really into it or missed their herbal essence...i mean this shit was whack. i guess that wasn't really a strike against me for just looking but fuck him and his stupid white man church, fuck the women in red bandanas and fuck christians...okay i was kinda overshooting for it but we'll just make all that strike3. anyways it turned out to be a rocking good time with little 14 year old girls jumping up and down for kellen...not much has changed since mexico eh kellen? son of a bitch last night was fly as hell! holly came over later and our stupid ass but really fun antics ensued. anyone ever played the lion king dvd games while listening to late eighties and early nineties music? yea i didn't even know the body could take that much excitement in one load. i ended up having the personality of simba...and get this holly was...SCAR. no way! and it was awesome when he was up on a rock with the hyena's marching in a jewish killing style manner. annnnnnnnd i'm on level 4 in legendary...you get past the first level and the rest just sort of becomes cake. and those fucking white elites don't go down with just one perfectly placed plasma grenade - it takes two, baby. and the marines become complete bitches. one level i was in a ghost and two marines in a warthog...they're coming up faster than hanson and i decide to drive the hog cuz those dumbasses just drive out and take on 3 wraiths...so here i am with a little road block of ghost and master chief...here comes the warthog..there goes the warthog - leaving behind a destroyed ghost and a trail of bloody master chief. it is bullshit! i found myself trying to take over the warthog more times than actually playing the game...like a lil mini game of sorts. anywho i got the damn thing in the end with a sniper rifle ; ) lets see uhhhh thanksgiving is coming up...can't wait to see my family and chill with bubba and dudley...or rather have turkey and steal my old bed. i walk into my bedroom here at our apt and just start fucking crying! i mean what the shit kinda room is it anyway? the couch and dirty laundry room? a bed is on the wish list...along with a sam's club food run. and pickles would like some new socks. and omg the funniest thing happened last night...holly came over roughly around 12 and wes got drunk at his dorms...makes for very interesting phone convo. i mean we normally have funny ass chats but who knew wes could get me off so easily. all night he was touching himself and telling me to reach down my pants and tell him how big it was...i had never been so aroused - ever. it reminded me of my days with andy mike the homo. oh dammit now that i'm reminded fuck wherever i was going with this gay wes sex scandal propaganda. shit! my ears are tingling! ahhhh andy mike noooooooooooooooooooooooo! well i guess im off to work to spread cheer and broken glasses. be at peace my little goat friends.

and for those of you who need an alcohol hookup - dec 1 i'll be in my prime =)

a description of Hollys hot rack and why i decided to quit smoking

2004-11-18T13:06:00.000-08:00

her milky breasts seemed to be lunging out in three different directions like a fresh dog whining and clawing at the door to be let in...they were slow dancing to a garth brooks song in a gloomy bar with a neon marlboro reds sign spotlighting them...they were reaching to the ground - extending their pink arms out five feet to front handspring into my anxious lap...and finally they were being sucked inward, her ribs shooting out, making her chest appear to be a hubcap put on to a rusty audi backwards and a little sideways...the latter two of the three seemed focused on persuasion...the third being a threat. freddie had never layed eyes on such a luscious rack of "should be having galactorea." they were the faces of babies not quite ready to cry until the doctor slapped them on the asses... knowing only that tearing my box of 100's up into an unsmokable pile of sweet tobacco and thin white paper would be thy hand slapping that ass. a camel's back with a strapped on wet white turban could not provide justice...even if shaved. they elicit a feeling of hang gliding off of a mountain - of eating a desert cactus flower - of getting a new puppy - and finally of drinking hot cocoa at your old grandmother's house on dec 25 at 1 in the morning after cutting wood all day in the redwood forest of your childhood. but for a pro-smoker this mountain happens to be an erupting volcano, the desert catus flower a giant dung beetle which had been impaled by a cactus needle 3 years ago, you find out the new puppy has worms so you take him to see a vet...and right when everything seems okay the vet eats your puppy and leaps out the window only to be hit by a speeding car, and finally you wake up xmas morning looking for presents but find none...and your 87 year old grandmother doesn't come out of her room until a wild coyote drags her down the stairs and eats her under your xmas tree. all of these thoughts were rushing through freddie's head - what decision would he make... the shivering holly covered herself with a green blanket with winnie the pooh trim only to bring freddie closer to the path filled with lightning and wild animals. "will she still ask me this question with the blanket on?!?! how dare she!" somehow the uncertainty of holly having boobs or not suddenly choked the breath out of freddie quicker than a 5 min cigarette being smoked in 30 seconds...his negro hair began to curl up and fro. the idea that he may never cry again from seeing something so beautiful gave him the courage to start ripping...the cigarettes fell out of existence whilst freddie found freedom in hollys hot rack.

And god i feel so good! hooray! mmmmmm and warm.....and ummm boobly-faced =)

my influences

2004-11-17T03:01:00.000-08:00

to my friends in Austin:

The Russian: you tell people all the time how much i've added to your personality and ideas on how to make friends...basically giving me the biggest complement i've ever recieved but i feel like i haven't let you in on how much you've given back to me. Nick is one of the smartest young guys i've encountered in life with such a silly and goofy side to back it up with. the first time i met him he was a yellow sheet on a dorm room bed and a note telling me which side of the room i was to live on. this is what EVERYONE sees of him when first meeting him. he shows his intelligent/gangsta side in first impressions i believe because that's a big part of who he is. some people may be intimidated by it and his massive 6'6" of height enough to never want to talk to him again. BUT this is just his first impression and how it goes. everyone has that front they put up in the beginning except for nick - he retains it even if he doesn't want to. this is just so incredible to me because its like he shows you who he is without caring about what ya think. he would disagree because he always tells me that he doesn't know how to act when meeting someone new or always has different visions of how he wanted to act, which brings me to what makes nick the most influential person in my life: his silly side. its as simple as that. for a person to have that thug side one moment and then the next be running around the apartment screaming and belly flopping onto bean bags after saying "hey freddie! freddie...FREDDIE! look what i can do " is just insane. is does not make sense to me at all. he is so goddamn cuddly and sweet... my point being - he has altered all my 'high school' perceptions and helped me to not judge people like i used to. none of you really knew how i was in my pre-austin life besides what i tell you. sure i have always been fun, carefree, and loving, but nick has actually shaped the side that i found weakest about myself. i wanna like follow the golden rule and ride to a library in a caravan with jesus. i don't want to find out who he is anymore - i know who he is and i now know who i am. i am nicks friend - and i love him.

Kellen: destined to be my brother. i thought he was an ra the first day at whitis...so naturally i tricked him into having lunch with me at kinsolving to butter him up into letting me drink beer in the dorms =P. turns out he wasn't but the strangest thing happened...right off the bat we were finishing each others sentences and learned that we had lived identical lives. too bad he wasn't a girl. nevertheless i pursued his hand in marriage. i loved being around him cuz he always was friendly - always. i think i can relate the most to kellen mostly because we're so much alike...sure i have more of his dad in me but whadda ya gonna do? i can honestly say that if i was in a horribly bad situation he would be at my side right with nick helping me through it first. To have a friend like Kellen gives me such a feeling of security that i have no worries about having someone to turn to. i know his door is always open for me. how do i end this? SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!!

Holly: where do i start...how about our first meeting: "hey freddie...i dare you to go breakdance in the middle of the r..." "(breakdancing in the middle of the road) whatd you say holly?" lol i cannot have enough fun with you! all i do is smile and want more of you each day. Can you top slow-dancing in denny's at 8pm? how about laying down in the grass and kissing in the middle of a flash flood? (she was just layin' there, kellen). holly you're completely naked...and you're on my front porch. i can't say i've ever met a girl as wild as i am but you take the german chocolate cake. i know our relationship will grow into something better than i've ever had and its easily on its way already. you even me out and give me the passion i need in my life. i've fallen for you totally like almost enough to buy you a corndog...MWAH!

Loui and Jeff Combo: lou met me through music...not like sharing interests or anything but more along the lines of "turn that shit down!" like i told you before - i am the least hesitant to call you out of everyone in my cell. this is because you are so goddamn carefree. "someone just cut your toe off lou! go to the hospital man you need to fix that shit!" "(looks down at toe, looks back up at hysterical person yelling at him, thinks for a moment ) FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! (continues playing video games). " jeff is so much like lou but in a different way...if his toe gets severed, he pulls out his knife and cuts the bastard then gets back to playing video games lol...okay i lied about earlier...lou and jeff are both the ones i always feel 100% comfortable calling on my phone. this is most likely cuz i'm always up for hanging out with them. let the lazies unite! but fer shizzle you guys always make me feel like i fit in on any occassion in any situation. plus you're both just so fucking lazy. i mean wow. republicans are so stupid.

Christian: straight up you are mah boy. we don't hang out as much as i would like to but i am so drawn to you. i mean that night we played kotor and then ran around C lobby doing evil deeds to turn ourselves to the dark side was just fun loving goofy shit. you bring out the kid in me...not the bad one but the innocent one who just wants to go down the tallest slide and enjoy life to its fullest. you are also a coonass who calls people "kids"...i mean how awesome is that. i love the poo outta ya man and know that we'll only become better friends in the future. every party i go to you are the first person i'm looking for.

Michael Gallapamagnossobiblioteca: the strangest creature i have ever met who has never spoken a complete sentence to me. and by far the happiest guy i've ever met. that night we went to sixth street together i think we bonded pretty hardcore...how could we not? trying to take pictures of boobies at mardi gras with a camera that has a five second flash delay requires heavy teamwork and cooperation. you were the best hall buddy i could've asked for and always knew how to have a good/weird time. you bring out my strange side more often than not which is a really bad thing considering people had hard enough times trying to talk to us individually...but together we are incapable of real conversation with someone. IM IN A BATHTUB!

Westicles: i'm not trying to make this short but it is so easy to describe how much and what you mean to me....just read what i wrote about holly =P omg i'm dating a female wes...SWEET!

Thug Nasty: we were born rivals - vernon vs. iowa park. i was so creeped out the first time i met you just because you were from vernon...then i saw your mad halo skills and naturally we grew closer. you bring out the bully in me based just on that...i mean i used to chew on my nintendo controllers when i got pissed...now i just pistol snipe =) i always have a good time with you and when we are in a group of people i always want to team up with you. and if you ever dress up as a woman for halloween again i may just have to masturbatate myself.

i know i left some close friends out but its 445am so screw y'all...anywho friendships are the influences in my life...not money, sex, or drugs but you guys...and money sex and drugs. most of us listen to music to find out what we are feeling but i use y'all to make sense of it...even if you don't know it. just like jeff doesn't know that i've watched him undress 5 times through his dorm window this year...

sorry if this is all corny but i had the best night ever with holly and for some reason i just wanted people to know i care about them...holly...i stopped taking the pills........you make me want to be a better man =P

2004-11-15T23:03:00.000-08:00

a pic of holly for those of you who haven't met her yet....god i love her wet black nose and the little thing she does with her tongue
frank and beans!

2004-11-15T22:26:00.000-08:00

its holly and freddie on a picnic!
frank and beans!

2004-11-15T22:14:00.000-08:00

the flyer made in photoshop for adam's recent halloween partay...its his little weiner dog - link. link likes me. i like adam's rug. people unite.
frank and beans!

the plan

2004-10-14T22:07:00.000-07:00

i'm now going to use this blog's powers to post when where why and how parties are happenin'. plus fantabulous after party stories with crucial moments in whitis court veteran history. may all of you motherfuckers die. and may all of you post events and parties that you know of. and if you don't...i'll fill christopher reeves grave with kryptonite.

The Jami-Freddie Relationship

2004-09-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

if you didn't hear yet, jami and i are over forever...foreverever? yes. i stayed up all night analyzing our relationship and turned it into a nice little science project...but beware, i haven't taken a science in about three years.

2004-09-21T08:56:00.001-07:00

PREM. FA
frank and beans!

2004-09-21T08:56:00.000-07:00

IWRT
frank and beans!

2004-09-21T08:55:00.001-07:00

FRT
frank and beans!

2004-09-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

WRT
frank and beans!

2004-09-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

"LOVE" VS. REALITY MODEL
frank and beans!

2004-09-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

the TRGM diagram
frank and beans!

Results Show:

2004-09-21T08:45:00.001-07:00

1. I broke up with you because you had sex with you ex boyfriend.

2. Your love kept us together after my mistakes, but my developing love was not strong enough yet to handle yours.

3. We never reached our combined "Love Point" on the TRGM

4. & finally that you were right. I didn't fully love you but told you that I did. I felt trapped under your emotions towards me and sincerely apologize for not being able to fulfill our promise to each other. I'll always love you as a friend and be here if you need anything...well in Austin but whatever =P

2004-07-31T22:44:00.000-07:00

the end of my summer...you mean the world to me justin
frank and beans!

eternal doodoo splatter of the spotless toilet seat

2004-07-06T05:19:00.000-07:00

Shit ass cock!! I just drove home in the most outrageous thunderstorm in iowa park…ever. I’m working my 10p-6a graveyard shift at 711 and just fucking wall-a there is a mountain of rain fucking my car’s open windows…it was about 7ish when it hit so the next cashier was shouting…roll up your windows!!! But little did she know…I did not give a fuck! Oh and thank god I just prepaid nine dollars in gas so I’m obligated to go pump that shit under the nice little gas pump roof…oh wait a tic they don’t have those. Son of a bitch. But fer shizzle…like think levels of smog in Houston and then put that into rain terms. Exactly…enough to kill you. But imagine this…I don’t sleep all day and go into work for my 10p so I already feel like shit plus I haven’t had a vegetable in at least two months. Anywho I work my ass off alllllll flippin night because I’m training under my manager Kevin for the mightiest of positions – cashier. Oh if only it was cashiering that I did. Too bad that includes bathroom cleansings on a three hour basis….oh and did I mention that the 711 I work at happens to be a truck stop? FUCK! Now the mens room I can normally handle…all it has is hardcore bo…but the ladies….or should I say truck driving ladies…that bathroom has a severe doodoo splatter problem which seems to not go well with the five or six hot dogs I eat every day I work….again I say FUCK! Anywho like I said…the ass has been worked off allllll night and then nona my bitchy perfectionist 55 yr old bright red lipstick wearing (but never lipstick losing) grey haired bastard of a deli manager who sucks at cooking and everything else she does and has a boner for making me do extra work, comes in to work. Okay so with three different people telling me different chores at the end of my shift…I wonder for a moment how I am to accomplish all of the feats within the remaining fifteen minutes I have left…well thank god not one of them conferred with the other on what duties they gave me otherwise it probably would have been just one thing to do…and I hate doing one thing in fifteen minutes. Anywho to make my ranting a bit shorter, I do all three things and clock out. And as I’m walking out the door after paying my nine goddamn dollars to go pump in the goddamn rainstorm with my goddamn car full of water nona approaches me….i think for a moment to myself…hmmm…maybe she wants to make out? Well shit she didn’t! so anyways after clocking out and meeting nona at the door and receiving no nookie whatsoever…I’m back in the women’s bathroom…scrubbing away at the doodoo splatter once more. And as I started this rant I shall end it the same…shit ass cock.

TOGA PARTY…

Alrighty I’m blogging in this motha even though bubba and Dudley most certainly already did. Highlighting the most amazing points only.

These are in no order in accordance with the party.

*bubba is sitting in a chair in my front yard when I get home from work an hour late. He has on a golden lion badge and says he is patrolling the area…which I suppose was the chair.

*bubba somehow becomes completely nude and runs around with arms flailing for half the night.
*bubba helps all of us search for food to satisfy all of our drunken munchies. Bubba finds a bag of chips which turned out to be the last bit of food left. Bubba opens the chip bag and receives many cheers for the find. Bubba sticks his penis into the chip bag. Bubba is a son of a bitch. Did I mention he was still full out nude during this food finding operation?

*bubba jumps into his truck without telling anyone and takes off down the road. Jason is the only one who saw him go, which direction, and why. Bubba was chasing a firetruck.

*bubba falls asleep completely nude on our swing outside. He wakes up at 6am and puts his clothes back on.

*bubba jumps very high and puts a hole in the ceiling…which he does again…and again.

*Dudley had a very emotional party just like he always does when he gets drunk…ahem

*Dudley calls a girl a whore and gets clocked in the face by her…the swollen lip soon follows…and it was a fucking decking too lol. He hit the ground like his ancestors did when they were exhausted from all of the ditch digging.

*Dudley successfully puts a hole in the ceiling just like bubba did.

*Dudley sees chris’ penis just like the rest of us including all of the girls who could only laugh as it reminded us all of my little toe without the toenail…very much unlike bill brasky’s penis.

*Dudley gets into a fight with his 6 foot 5 german friend…let us not forget Justin is very small…but wiry

*Dudley drinks a tropical bloody mary…made up of 1 part v8, 2 part coconut rum, 1 part vodka, and like 1 part mountain dew or some shit…he does not feel very good shortly thereafter.

*chris is passed out on a cooler for 6 hours until he finally wakes up and says hi to all of us with his wang

*some hoochie momma I spontaneously invited from sonic among other cute hoochie momma girls came, showed her boobs, and then skinny dipped with everyone else

*Michael puts a hole in the ceiling just like bubba me and Dudley. Michael has big gash in his forehead.

*I ask jaimie out in the middle of a makeout session she is having with the 6 foot 5 german. She says yes and I’m gonna be seriously you guys…I frickin hardcore like her on a scale of love – frickin hardcore like her – crush – vagina – wrong ladder.

*I didn’t really do anything else crazy…it was a good night =)

*jesus played trombone scales

*jaimie smoochie britches is now her official pet name as of right now.

Fourth of july

I invited jaimie to go with my family to my brother’s father-in-laws’ party and the night turned out awesome…she’s so cute the way she bums cigarettes off of me…oh oh oh and did I tell ya she’s a drummer? Sweeeet. So she drinks and smokes like me. Likes the same music I like. Is cuter than my mom. And she also goes swimming in her underwear among adults and little children alike. = ) so I’m not coming back to Austin but staying her so that as will Ferrell so eloquently put “let’s make a baby!” okay so I’m fucking around but shit even though we’ve only been going out for two days she is totally clicking for me…but I’m pretty certain I frighten the hell out of her…okay anyways to the party…oh and she smells good too. Okay anyways to the party….like beer and cigarettes…mmmmm..okay anyways to the party lots of fireworks going off <700 bucks worth> and get this romantic awesome shiznatchins…jaimie and I were in the ..hhhottub and holding one another whilst the fireworks went off right above the opening of the hhhottub roof. Kick ass. Plus we had beer. Kick assi. Oh oh and fun story…my uncle looks identical to Fabio with a tan and all…but he can’t swim. So naturally I grab onto him limber spiderman style and jump into the deep end of the pool…only to end up the next day with a sore throat and six gashes in my body. Well right when we hit the water I was out of breath cuz I was laughing so damn hard and thank god instead of asking someone to help him he decided to stranglehold my neck with his arms hands and feet giving him the appearance of a frightened dog in heat. So I almost drowned…no biggie I guess. Jaimies a good kisser. And when I got over to the shallow waters alex still wouldn’t let go making me feel like a skinny beached whale with his blowhole sticking out through his mouth. okay point of this entire blog: if you have two awesome days in a row…karma shall make work very shitty for you. Vote ross perot. Thank you.

2004-07-02T01:45:00.000-07:00

even better than that
frank and beans!

2004-07-02T01:42:00.000-07:00

better than that
frank and beans!

mmmmmmmm vagina

2004-07-02T01:37:00.000-07:00

i just finished painting the horse...and it was better than sex. pictures coming after we sort out all this toga party bidness

2004-06-29T15:47:00.000-07:00

the kicker to finish all other pictures off
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:46:00.000-07:00

for beefcakes
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:45:00.001-07:00

the bar
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

insiderer
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:42:00.000-07:00

insider
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

door to "the war room" / our party house
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

the big jig's concert
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:35:00.001-07:00

CLOSAH!!!!!!!!
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:35:00.000-07:00

Closah!
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:34:00.000-07:00

come closah...
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

closahhhhhh
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:31:00.000-07:00

closer...
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:29:00.000-07:00

dudley's cattle concert
frank and beans!

2004-06-29T15:22:00.000-07:00

the horse picture! hooha! have most of the bod finished...now i just gotta shrink the head, extend the back neck and mane, hilights on tail, and put another coat on canyon - oil on canvas
frank and beans!

why do you have to hit everything with a stick cartman!? ...well look at him...he's all...you know...look at him

2004-06-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

tis been a long time for the bloggins...here are a few highlights of what happened this week -

*a man named blake was peeing in my front yard one night...and was soon to be peeing in ostrich position...so the other five of us decided to tackle and dogpile him...while peeing. i'm not sure how, but the five of us all remained piss-free...perhaps blake's face sucked up the majority of it.

*a drunken nerf fight with my crew going by the name "gooch goblins" people showing up to the party late were naturally marked as enemies and had to be nerfed on. i mean this shit was hardcore and nobody escaped...phillip was later demoted from gooch goblin sergeant to hot dog captain as the night went on. the weapons consisted of a crossbow, the ultimator, mining helmets, and an empty bb gun. all terrain was used, including: ditches, trees, driveway, cars, and of course - each other. needless to say - everyone was drunk.

*and holy shit you are about to here the funniest most splendtasterific story...alright bubba, dudley, fweddykins dressed up in funky fuck outfits to go fishing out at buffalo lake. it was about 7:30 in the pm and partly cloudy... bubba had on a military hat with 80s police glasses, a turtleneck, and was pantless. dudley had on a hawaiian shirt, a 70s old man pimp hat - not too flashy but flashy nonetheless, and a rug on to cover his irish buns. i had on the typical denim jacket and my grandpappys cowboy hat with boxers on bottom. okay we went out with the intention of fishing...but thank god the lake was as much there as i am in ut still...for we found much more constructive things to do! we did a few camera poses and then bubs and i began longest fucking game of war ever in the history of iraq plus we had a 12 pack of nappy ass oklahoma budweiser (like half the alcohol of reg beer cuz okies suck ass) but anywho we were just doing our card thang and dudley wandered off somewhere with the trombone...so bubba and i hear some kind of loud blatting noise that touched upon the brown note...okay i had never heard anything so nasty every played on an instrument but the cows took a liking to it...like every fucking cow at buffalo crowded around dudley while he blasted away on my trombone and yes his pants were down. lol he was having a good time at first but then the cows started moving closer and closer and i swear they were all smiling and licking their lips while closing in...so he backed up slowly and took off...but it was some funny shit while it lasted...i'm positive that if they were all bulls there would have been smiles, licks, and raging mega-huge boners coming dudleys way. okay a little later dudley began amusing himself with a golf club...he was up on a hill driving dirt clods away from us which he later directed towards us...well the little fuck nearly took bubba's head off with a rock so he was chased down - beaten a little - and then left at the summit by himself with his trusty golf club. after at least 10 min the sky was pretty damn dark and huge clouds pissing lightning hit the lake...we went back for dudley and heard him running through a field screaming out my name...we hauled buns over to the sound and dudley leaped into the truck and was breathing heavily...lol he had been running from a bobcat for five min! hahahahahaaaaa...thank god he had the golf club...the poor guy was shaking the tires off the truck...

*saw fahrenheit 911 and loved it...i am basing my vote off that movie as of now but i'll be sure to read up on politics before voting...

i'll have those mother fudgin horse pics up maybe today or tomorrow and also some of dudley and bubba so you know who i'm talking about. anyways i'm out - sorry the post isn't very fun...im not drunk or sleep deprived at the moment.

the night of the bumblefred

2004-06-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadass night! alright this all happened like two nights ago
but i think i'm finally up to blogging about it... okay you know the
night is gonna turn out scary hell when you convince your mom to come out and
play a drinking game with you and your buddies...and boy did she suck at that
game. lets just say she showed bubba her boobs. yikes crap and...
apart from that life changing experience the night rocked and i rolled! a
couple of us started with that drinking game and when more peeps showed up we
came inside and all became drunker than normal drunk...so drunk that we pulled
out a boardgame - STAR WARS TRIVIAL PURSUIT! yea then we put that back up cuz
who the fuck is commander mosaf. but anywho i'm
getting to the good shit...after all the girls left a bunch of us guys - phil,
trotter, dudley, blake, bubba, and myself - decided to hop in the back of
bubbas truck and go out driving behind my pond. now most rednecks aren't
afraid to do these things cuz their off roading is in mud...well our
road was made of ridiculously unlevel ground, cacti, and mosquite trees - not
kidding bubba would find medium-sized trees and just run them over.
incredible. stupid. and incredible. okay i dunno if i told this before but
bubs' truck is more than just a normal truck with a bed. its a truck with a
bed and a mother fuckin couch! a friend gave it to him and it fits to glory
horizontally right in the bed/tailgate...needless to say with the road we were
about to get on nobody sat on the couch...cept me bitches! and not on the
cushions but on the back of that bastard. so i'm on that - drunk off my ass -
bubba at the wheel - mosquite trees and my face set up for a blind date...a
very delicate combination and a very sweet combination. well bubba went
fucking nuts...doughnuts-running over trees-zigzagging through them-armadillos
howling-and young adults screaming bloody murder. okay i was sitting on the
left side of the couchback in rollercoaster position during his doughnut spree
and what hell, why dont we hit three big fucking bumps in succession and throw
freddie the fuck off the truck?? well okie dokie thats exactly what happened.
i'm fucking flying through the air man and my legs caught the side of the
truck! sweet! my buddies in the back jumped on my legs and helped save me
but they couldn't pull me in or anything...its much more goddamn difficult to
find yourself while dangling from a truck with a 350 - head by the tire - as
opposed to those merry-go-rounds from grade school. now this wouldve been no
thang had bubba ceased to doughnut with me off the side....but of course it is
kinda difficult to hear my screams when the engine is revved to the max and
you're in a small cab with a 500 dollar sony xplod system...very difficult
indeed. so instead of climbing back into the truck, I
decided to just lay back and see how many point blank mosquito tree bashes my
face could take...who wouldn't? lol but i guess thats about it for that night...
really fun stuff and i wish you all could have been here to doctor my wounds and go
down on me. peace love and kellen.

down in lots of det

2004-06-15T23:41:00.000-07:00

mwahahahahaaaaaaaaaa the lakers are over!!!!!!

comments

2004-06-15T02:10:00.000-07:00

i put the mofin comments back up too...that last template was too much of a bitch with my small knowledge of html. please comment on things that you may have wanted to comment on before as you now have the power to...and if you don't...i'm gonna killll you. and then i'll love you again. oh yea and my time sig is off by like two or three hours. mwah!

peace out to my austin homies!

wowee wow wowzerbinks

2004-06-15T01:37:00.000-07:00

ummmm shiat i don't know where to start...ahem...it's 350am and i have to be in wichita falls @ 8am for my first day of job training for the infamous bitch-ass hold em up 711 slurpee king of a franchise. oh oh i'll start with the other day...okay there was a big ass storm coming into iowa park and i was bored outta my mind so i called up some buddies *bubba and justin* and asked them if they wanted to go storm chasing...sweet! we hit a gas station and i sat in the car while they went in...okay they came out with a case of bud which didn't surprised me but along with that came three bandanas...one with skull and crossbones - another with the american flag - and the last one with stereotypical bandana embroidery except it was like faded purple! kick ass! so we put em on and looked like fucking old western robbers while getting drunk and chasing tornadoes. hell yes. anywho tonight was the real kicker...i'm standing in the kitchen cooking some eggs at about 11 in the pm and fucking i get a phone call. TWO girls - one which i knew - said they were drunk and horny and it was up to me if i wanted to call them back...dum dum dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. well fuck yea i'm gonna call em back! how many guys get this opportunity?!?! and this is no flippin lie. fantastic. wowee wow wowzerbinks. anyways they got over here around 12 and brought a friend named jeff. alright we are all in the barbecue pit at the table just talkin and having a good time. misty's baby was there too. a 1.5 year old bundle of cuteness. okay amanda calls me up in the middle of convo and i of course start talking to her and end up in the house with my horny drunken guests outside still. the phonecall ends and i go back outside and what the shizzle do i find?! jeff is standing up with his pants down. what a smart motherfucker. so we all get into a bundle of joy and have a nice little makeout session. anyways like thirty min later we ended up at buffalo lake which is like four miles from my house. we spread out a nice little blanket and all four had a nice little slumber setup goin on with my legs sprawled out across jeff and christina. ANYWHO...i start the party off with some fingering action on the misty - mind you she is a divorced 18 yr old with a baby. we all start going at it and whadda ya know i have a foursome on my hands! fuuuuuuuuuuuck! it was a little odd at first but fuck it i was having a good time with the help of some captain morgans. okay now i have to say this was the most fun ive ever had with sex not because it was a foursome but because everything just seemed so damn clumsy lol. i have misty's pants off and i'm not lyin - it took me about two min to get her fudgin bra off with her just taking the fucker off for me. so we are all four butt-naked and going at it - not sex yet, but good ol makin out to the blackbelt degree. funky buttloving my friends when she tried to stick it in, i kept going flacid. i'm sorry! i was at the fuckin lake with mosquitos out to get more than just blood from me. anyways the cool thing is that i was just making everyone laugh the whole time and holy shit giggles were aplentifulish. but misty and i walked back down the hill to my car so the bugs wouldn't bite us and got in and started what was the most uncomfortable sex i've ever had (the back of an 89 camaro) but still the giggles were flowing. but we ended up moving out of mine and into her car and get this kinky ass shit...her baby was in the backseat adjacent to the backseat we were fucking in! i know! weird and a bad omen i'm thinking...i had a condom on at first but the damned thing ripped so we were goin without one. okay now this may sound stupid crap but after i came i went back inside and fucked some more...the boner wouldn't go away!!! i was so proud of myself but this is dangerous ground for she hasnt been on birth control for like two weeks...anywho i have another frickin orgasm inside of her this time! shit ass cock fuck! but this was alot of sex and i was like dammmmmmmmmmn haven't done that before. and after the second...i still kept going! wow sex machine fred! sadly the entire sexcapade like consisting of actual sex only lasted thirty min...but that was enough for me lol...anyways the main point is that i'm praying that she doesn't get pregnant cuz that would suck lots of ass at least financially for ne and emotionally for her. but if she did....i would gladly accept it and help take care of her with my drug money from austin. hip hip hooray shit. ummmm then i came back here and this is the state i'm in...shaken and out of juego. also i'll have the new pics of the horse painting up in about two or three days so keep an eye out for that cuz its kickin ass. ps. ignore all of the shizzy grammar in this long spiel of anxiety...anxiety of my new job/being a papa. fuckbeans i'm only gonna get three hours of sleep...long live the coffee pot! and south park!

2004-06-07T15:59:00.000-07:00

ahhhh snap
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:58:00.001-07:00

bling bling
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:58:00.000-07:00

project i'm still working on - charcoal on canvas at the moment
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

oh oh there i am painting the lighthouse...house paint is so much easier to mix than oil lol...stupid color matching with its hues and its...untied shoes? - house paint on wood
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:54:00.000-07:00

picture was taken about three years back and she hasn't aged a bit...inspiration was shannon elizabeth...and yes it's 8 ft tall - charcoal on crap wood with sandpaper hilights
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:52:00.000-07:00

i was doing a badass car pic...but i through a party and one of my friends step all over it and fucked it up GRRRR! - oil pastel on shiney piney wood
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

no need to talk about who that is...the bitch - art pencil on wood
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:50:00.000-07:00

some cool abstract pillow art done at UT - sharpie on pillow...lol thats an awesome medium.
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:49:00.000-07:00

my first oil painting...our pond out back. the price of painting that was an ass full of chiggers...little bastards - oil on canvas
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:48:00.000-07:00

elizabeth hurley gridded - oil pastel, pencil, and art pencil on paper
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

heidi klum freehand...nothing original - pencil on paper
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:46:00.000-07:00

made a sketch of some little fucked up looking demon kid for my roomy - pencil on paper
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:44:00.001-07:00

and as christian would say...the fucked up finished stage of zee tigah - oil on canvas
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

stage two of zee tigah - oil on canvas
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:43:00.000-07:00

stage one of zee tigah - oil on canvas
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:42:00.000-07:00

quick abstract of amanda's pet dog...its a peekapoo...weird - oil on canvas
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:41:00.000-07:00

big ass lighthouse mural done on my grandparents carport...the whole motha fizzucka was fingerpainted. thank you. - house paint on wood
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

new orleans jazz funeral done for my acting class in college...stupid college. - photoshop
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

simple painting of the only stoner in this world worth talking about...did it for my ex girlfriends sisters bday - you woulda thought something that cool wouldve gotten me laid...you wanna get high? - oil on canvas
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:37:00.000-07:00

kellen the arrrrrrrrb! - photoshop
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:36:00.000-07:00

christian the coonass with his boy thibodeaux...i dunno why he always wears a pot on his head...maybe he has lots of jambalaya fights with his parents - who are alligators by the way...rich alligators. - photoshop
frank and beans!

2004-06-07T15:33:00.000-07:00

my main manzeebo jeffy - photoshop
frank and beans!

live journal is crrrrrrrappy

2004-06-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

i have an interview @ 4:30 with 711!!! while all of my friends go on to internships and glory...i shall be there in the station- selling alcohol to minor russians. oh my...GOD! okay i'm up at the store for my first interview and i'm not sure what's up with my vibe but that fifty year old bastard store manager cracked 5 damned gay jokes with the 22 year old male cashier and myself falling victim...and the only other time i have spoken to this man was through a phone call - he phoned me up to tell me where my interview was and when he asked where i was a min ago i said i just got outta the shower and boom he simply said- "don't get all wet for your interview" fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! these encounters would usually scare away people from fear of future sexual assault...but for some reason or another i am even more compelled to work there lol this guy is like a little redneck lookin feller with a col sanders mustache and i swear to god i worked with his brother at pizza hut before...they looked identical and act the exact same...except the guy at pizza hut had a wiggy blinking problem...like if you were to constantly try to stick this man in the eyes you would have a success rate of around like 20 percent man...now that is hardcore blinkiness. strange how "at pizza hut" lined up so nicely...anywho this whole experience has taken me back to my days in the ol sno-cone hut at age 15. check out this combination of brain fucker uppers - my boss was a 58 year old female with no wrinkles on her face cuz "she never touched beer" now the trick to this is that she wasn't my boss as much as she was a double time horny pepe lepewoeiuejl for my little 15 year old pockets. seriously man i'm making a snow cone for the customer and she's somehow working the cash register with two hands and grabbing my ass at the same time - amazing. but everytime i ignored the woman who has become "the strawberry hoe cone" to all of my friends, she would ask me if i was gay...why why why!!!! if only i could graduate from college and get out of the workforce that is on par with cutting off your feet and jumping through a tire swing...oh shit i forgot the best part - kenny the carwash attendant with a neverending burnt nose would always go up to the hut and tell me about pink floyd and how much more he knows about them than me. sure we all have adventures at work but the main point i'm trying to make here is that- half the people get the first impression that i am a gay man. but when i look at myself in the mirror i see no cheery bubbliness bouncing off of my cheeks so what gives. i swear i love vagina! come on man how could i possibly prefer a hairy chest to a hairy - but boobly chest? anywho the main focus of my blog will be to post all of my old artwork plus the new ones i do over the summer....hooray! plus i'll rant like this sometimes just for the fuck of it. lol ok crap i'm gonna go

peace! and i miss you wes kellen jeff louie xian michael andrew nikolai nathan everyone from the west/east/whatever the hell direction our wing was...rabble rabble!

the frickin russian called me 10 times in a row this mohnin cuz we are gonna lease that bizadass apartment! and damnit if you don't have a full abdomen rainbow tatt...then you're just a humbug snufflepuss now aren't you

See what Care Bear you are.

stupid carebears always second guessing me