my scrumtrulescent post

stories stories stories!! and i've missed you my little community of flamers!

okay this is gonna be a compilation of all the fun shit that has happened in the last two months of no bloggings.

the fox jumped over a worm. the worm was a branch. the fox tripped. Wes is such a fox. i need to make 500 dollars in five days. fuck i'm so distracted...okay instead of trying to type out a bunch of crap that i can not possibly remember i'll just compare nick to a can of sprite.

NICK - big, loving, cuddly, and, "obey your thirst" is not his slogan.
CAN OF SPRITE - could not possibly be compared to nick

in summation - i think very highly of nick for he is not a can of sprite nor is he what i think about when thirsting for a sweet little cylinder of exotic juices.

okay there must be something blogworthy on my mind...how abouuut oh oh the behavior of justin and kevin. ahem...they're both stupid. there it is! but seriously you guys have known each other forever and if you were to hang out you would certainly laugh at all the silliness. sure kevin doesn't approve of drinking and related it to bad stories just asking for sarcastic responses and sure dudley is a sarcastic responding, alcohol drinking...wait this isn't coming out right. =P anywho just remember one thing about friendships through this example: jeffy is half taiwanese and i still enjoy his company - when he speaks in english.

bubba called a moment ago and we spoke pretty much about nothing over speakerphone...but damn was it a fun 30 minutes.

the beginning of my not so smart " spending my rent money on not rent" campaign. My brother's wife came to Austin like a week ago? no it was more like 5 days ago. oh. i ended up at the hotel where she and her college mateys were staying. anways there went around 70 bucks with food and beer. but it was all worth it to make out with a volleyball gal including a five min butt massage. and yes i used as many butt massage maneuvers as i could to horny that girl up - # 1...the philadelphia crack - what you want to do is place both hands very firmly upon the upper cheek on either side. make sure to push the cheek inward creating a very closed crack. now with your eight fingers positions along the thigh and your thumbs on the inner butt cheek, begin massaging at a hastened pace only to descend into about blender speed 3. this will slowly open the butt and her swollen vagina will be drooping down for easier access to doggy style. the image presented will be that of the liberty bell and you may then ring that vagina home.
considering i cant get any more creative than that, we'll just cut the maneuver list short. anywho the night was a blast and everyone from vernon college ended up in our room. then justin and jami came down for a visit...to prepare i found it smart to purchase 150.00 in groceries which was all good...we were down to like our last bag of rice. dammit id like to go into detail but i must go to work.

it was nice to blog again and hopefully in the future you will all jump on a trampoline with me and not off of a balcony which still pains my right heal.

id like to give a quick shout out to xian! its been awhile but i haven't forgotten your scent yet. oh oh and kellen louiii and jeff too! and wes thug and dan! and philadelphia!

holly's goods and how i saved the world
frank and beans!

pre work rantage

oh my shittlydinks it has been a fun weekend with plenty more to come fo sho. i went to the union with me buddies and saw some pimped out eps of aqua teen...thank god before they began i got on stage and danced like a fucking moron. not even a cute little silly dance but some really lame break dancing moves that would have only looked good had vanilla ice used them. oh and wtf! i turned up in a church last night to show my support for good ol kellen arby as he filled in on the holiest of positions in a christian ska band: the trombone. he was so adorable on stage...what wasn't adorable goes a little something like this - nick macey and myself going through the church song book and making fun of the music...strike1. using proper church language such as "fuck" and "goddamn"...strike2. and the sound guys out in the middle of the church praying and running their hands through their hair simultaneously...i shit you not. i told nick either they were really into it or missed their herbal essence...i mean this shit was whack. i guess that wasn't really a strike against me for just looking but fuck him and his stupid white man church, fuck the women in red bandanas and fuck christians...okay i was kinda overshooting for it but we'll just make all that strike3. anyways it turned out to be a rocking good time with little 14 year old girls jumping up and down for kellen...not much has changed since mexico eh kellen? son of a bitch last night was fly as hell! holly came over later and our stupid ass but really fun antics ensued. anyone ever played the lion king dvd games while listening to late eighties and early nineties music? yea i didn't even know the body could take that much excitement in one load. i ended up having the personality of simba...and get this holly was...SCAR. no way! and it was awesome when he was up on a rock with the hyena's marching in a jewish killing style manner. annnnnnnnd i'm on level 4 in legendary...you get past the first level and the rest just sort of becomes cake. and those fucking white elites don't go down with just one perfectly placed plasma grenade - it takes two, baby. and the marines become complete bitches. one level i was in a ghost and two marines in a warthog...they're coming up faster than hanson and i decide to drive the hog cuz those dumbasses just drive out and take on 3 wraiths...so here i am with a little road block of ghost and master chief...here comes the warthog..there goes the warthog - leaving behind a destroyed ghost and a trail of bloody master chief. it is bullshit! i found myself trying to take over the warthog more times than actually playing the game...like a lil mini game of sorts. anywho i got the damn thing in the end with a sniper rifle ; ) lets see uhhhh thanksgiving is coming up...can't wait to see my family and chill with bubba and dudley...or rather have turkey and steal my old bed. i walk into my bedroom here at our apt and just start fucking crying! i mean what the shit kinda room is it anyway? the couch and dirty laundry room? a bed is on the wish list...along with a sam's club food run. and pickles would like some new socks. and omg the funniest thing happened last night...holly came over roughly around 12 and wes got drunk at his dorms...makes for very interesting phone convo. i mean we normally have funny ass chats but who knew wes could get me off so easily. all night he was touching himself and telling me to reach down my pants and tell him how big it was...i had never been so aroused - ever. it reminded me of my days with andy mike the homo. oh dammit now that i'm reminded fuck wherever i was going with this gay wes sex scandal propaganda. shit! my ears are tingling! ahhhh andy mike noooooooooooooooooooooooo! well i guess im off to work to spread cheer and broken glasses. be at peace my little goat friends.

and for those of you who need an alcohol hookup - dec 1 i'll be in my prime =)

a description of Hollys hot rack and why i decided to quit smoking

her milky breasts seemed to be lunging out in three different directions like a fresh dog whining and clawing at the door to be let in...they were slow dancing to a garth brooks song in a gloomy bar with a neon marlboro reds sign spotlighting them...they were reaching to the ground - extending their pink arms out five feet to front handspring into my anxious lap...and finally they were being sucked inward, her ribs shooting out, making her chest appear to be a hubcap put on to a rusty audi backwards and a little sideways...the latter two of the three seemed focused on persuasion...the third being a threat. freddie had never layed eyes on such a luscious rack of "should be having galactorea." they were the faces of babies not quite ready to cry until the doctor slapped them on the asses... knowing only that tearing my box of 100's up into an unsmokable pile of sweet tobacco and thin white paper would be thy hand slapping that ass. a camel's back with a strapped on wet white turban could not provide justice...even if shaved. they elicit a feeling of hang gliding off of a mountain - of eating a desert cactus flower - of getting a new puppy - and finally of drinking hot cocoa at your old grandmother's house on dec 25 at 1 in the morning after cutting wood all day in the redwood forest of your childhood. but for a pro-smoker this mountain happens to be an erupting volcano, the desert catus flower a giant dung beetle which had been impaled by a cactus needle 3 years ago, you find out the new puppy has worms so you take him to see a vet...and right when everything seems okay the vet eats your puppy and leaps out the window only to be hit by a speeding car, and finally you wake up xmas morning looking for presents but find none...and your 87 year old grandmother doesn't come out of her room until a wild coyote drags her down the stairs and eats her under your xmas tree. all of these thoughts were rushing through freddie's head - what decision would he make... the shivering holly covered herself with a green blanket with winnie the pooh trim only to bring freddie closer to the path filled with lightning and wild animals. "will she still ask me this question with the blanket on?!?! how dare she!" somehow the uncertainty of holly having boobs or not suddenly choked the breath out of freddie quicker than a 5 min cigarette being smoked in 30 seconds...his negro hair began to curl up and fro. the idea that he may never cry again from seeing something so beautiful gave him the courage to start ripping...the cigarettes fell out of existence whilst freddie found freedom in hollys hot rack.

And god i feel so good! hooray! mmmmmm and warm.....and ummm boobly-faced =)

my influences

to my friends in Austin:

The Russian: you tell people all the time how much i've added to your personality and ideas on how to make friends...basically giving me the biggest complement i've ever recieved but i feel like i haven't let you in on how much you've given back to me. Nick is one of the smartest young guys i've encountered in life with such a silly and goofy side to back it up with. the first time i met him he was a yellow sheet on a dorm room bed and a note telling me which side of the room i was to live on. this is what EVERYONE sees of him when first meeting him. he shows his intelligent/gangsta side in first impressions i believe because that's a big part of who he is. some people may be intimidated by it and his massive 6'6" of height enough to never want to talk to him again. BUT this is just his first impression and how it goes. everyone has that front they put up in the beginning except for nick - he retains it even if he doesn't want to. this is just so incredible to me because its like he shows you who he is without caring about what ya think. he would disagree because he always tells me that he doesn't know how to act when meeting someone new or always has different visions of how he wanted to act, which brings me to what makes nick the most influential person in my life: his silly side. its as simple as that. for a person to have that thug side one moment and then the next be running around the apartment screaming and belly flopping onto bean bags after saying "hey freddie! freddie...FREDDIE! look what i can do " is just insane. is does not make sense to me at all. he is so goddamn cuddly and sweet... my point being - he has altered all my 'high school' perceptions and helped me to not judge people like i used to. none of you really knew how i was in my pre-austin life besides what i tell you. sure i have always been fun, carefree, and loving, but nick has actually shaped the side that i found weakest about myself. i wanna like follow the golden rule and ride to a library in a caravan with jesus. i don't want to find out who he is anymore - i know who he is and i now know who i am. i am nicks friend - and i love him.

Kellen: destined to be my brother. i thought he was an ra the first day at whitis...so naturally i tricked him into having lunch with me at kinsolving to butter him up into letting me drink beer in the dorms =P. turns out he wasn't but the strangest thing happened...right off the bat we were finishing each others sentences and learned that we had lived identical lives. too bad he wasn't a girl. nevertheless i pursued his hand in marriage. i loved being around him cuz he always was friendly - always. i think i can relate the most to kellen mostly because we're so much alike...sure i have more of his dad in me but whadda ya gonna do? i can honestly say that if i was in a horribly bad situation he would be at my side right with nick helping me through it first. To have a friend like Kellen gives me such a feeling of security that i have no worries about having someone to turn to. i know his door is always open for me. how do i end this? SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!!

Holly: where do i start...how about our first meeting: "hey freddie...i dare you to go breakdance in the middle of the r..." "(breakdancing in the middle of the road) whatd you say holly?" lol i cannot have enough fun with you! all i do is smile and want more of you each day. Can you top slow-dancing in denny's at 8pm? how about laying down in the grass and kissing in the middle of a flash flood? (she was just layin' there, kellen). holly you're completely naked...and you're on my front porch. i can't say i've ever met a girl as wild as i am but you take the german chocolate cake. i know our relationship will grow into something better than i've ever had and its easily on its way already. you even me out and give me the passion i need in my life. i've fallen for you totally like almost enough to buy you a corndog...MWAH!

Loui and Jeff Combo: lou met me through music...not like sharing interests or anything but more along the lines of "turn that shit down!" like i told you before - i am the least hesitant to call you out of everyone in my cell. this is because you are so goddamn carefree. "someone just cut your toe off lou! go to the hospital man you need to fix that shit!" "(looks down at toe, looks back up at hysterical person yelling at him, thinks for a moment ) FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! (continues playing video games). " jeff is so much like lou but in a different way...if his toe gets severed, he pulls out his knife and cuts the bastard then gets back to playing video games lol...okay i lied about earlier...lou and jeff are both the ones i always feel 100% comfortable calling on my phone. this is most likely cuz i'm always up for hanging out with them. let the lazies unite! but fer shizzle you guys always make me feel like i fit in on any occassion in any situation. plus you're both just so fucking lazy. i mean wow. republicans are so stupid.

Christian: straight up you are mah boy. we don't hang out as much as i would like to but i am so drawn to you. i mean that night we played kotor and then ran around C lobby doing evil deeds to turn ourselves to the dark side was just fun loving goofy shit. you bring out the kid in me...not the bad one but the innocent one who just wants to go down the tallest slide and enjoy life to its fullest. you are also a coonass who calls people "kids"...i mean how awesome is that. i love the poo outta ya man and know that we'll only become better friends in the future. every party i go to you are the first person i'm looking for.

Michael Gallapamagnossobiblioteca: the strangest creature i have ever met who has never spoken a complete sentence to me. and by far the happiest guy i've ever met. that night we went to sixth street together i think we bonded pretty hardcore...how could we not? trying to take pictures of boobies at mardi gras with a camera that has a five second flash delay requires heavy teamwork and cooperation. you were the best hall buddy i could've asked for and always knew how to have a good/weird time. you bring out my strange side more often than not which is a really bad thing considering people had hard enough times trying to talk to us individually...but together we are incapable of real conversation with someone. IM IN A BATHTUB!

Westicles: i'm not trying to make this short but it is so easy to describe how much and what you mean to me....just read what i wrote about holly =P omg i'm dating a female wes...SWEET!

Thug Nasty: we were born rivals - vernon vs. iowa park. i was so creeped out the first time i met you just because you were from vernon...then i saw your mad halo skills and naturally we grew closer. you bring out the bully in me based just on that...i mean i used to chew on my nintendo controllers when i got pissed...now i just pistol snipe =) i always have a good time with you and when we are in a group of people i always want to team up with you. and if you ever dress up as a woman for halloween again i may just have to masturbatate myself.

i know i left some close friends out but its 445am so screw y'all...anywho friendships are the influences in my life...not money, sex, or drugs but you guys...and money sex and drugs. most of us listen to music to find out what we are feeling but i use y'all to make sense of it...even if you don't know it. just like jeff doesn't know that i've watched him undress 5 times through his dorm window this year...

sorry if this is all corny but i had the best night ever with holly and for some reason i just wanted people to know i care about them...holly...i stopped taking the pills........you make me want to be a better man =P

a pic of holly for those of you who haven't met her yet....god i love her wet black nose and the little thing she does with her tongue
frank and beans!

its holly and freddie on a picnic!
frank and beans!

the flyer made in photoshop for adam's recent halloween partay...its his little weiner dog - link. link likes me. i like adam's rug. people unite.
frank and beans!

the plan

i'm now going to use this blog's powers to post when where why and how parties are happenin'. plus fantabulous after party stories with crucial moments in whitis court veteran history. may all of you motherfuckers die. and may all of you post events and parties that you know of. and if you don't...i'll fill christopher reeves grave with kryptonite.